Missionary work - An assualt on your soul!!!

Yes, I know it's a scary title, but then again missionaries are scary to begin with.

But, today's topic is being covered cause I've ALWAYS had issues with the concept of missionaries. That, and I'm at work and don't have the letter with me about the 10 things to consider.

We've all seen them. Most commonly walking or riding a bike around in their familiar dark suit, white button down shirt and tie or a dress with dark colors and the nametag with either "Elder" or "Sister" engraved into it. They're always carrying a Book of Mormon and are just looking to share the word of go...Joesph Smith. They're always friendly and eager to talk with anyone who is just happening to walk by...unless you are openly LGBT, at which point they avoid you like the plague cause they'll catch your evil gay germs.


Now, on to the truly scary stuff about missionaries from my perspective.

First off, shortly after I turned 18, and before I truly realized who I am, I got called in to the bishop's office. Now, I was already pretty good at knowing what to say to get in and out as fast as possible. I had been in for temple recommends before and just like everyone else, I lied about certain activities to get the recommend. That is a blog post for a another day for the specifics.

When I went in however, I was rather surprised that this time it was to talk about becoming a missionary. Now, having grown up in the church, of course I was taught that I want to be a missionary when I turn 19. "I want to" now THAT's laughable. That's called brainwashing the chitlins people! So, after sitting down and getting the small talk out of the way. The bishop proceeded to ask me questions pertaining to my thoughts on missionary work and if I was getting myself prepared to go on a mission to spread the word of god, jebus and joe smith. I honestly just wanted to go home so I could just change out of the clothes and sit back watching tv (didn't have a computer at that time). I think we were in there for like 30 minutes talking about this ridiculous notion.

After I left this rather annoying meeting, I didn't think any more of it until the following month when I was called in to the bishop's office AGAIN to discuss the exact same damn thing AGAIN. -_- So I got that out of the way in like 15 minutes this time and went home. However, I soon came to find out that this would be a monthly occurrence (hmm...sounds like a period only aggravating instead of painful). This monthly occurrence would continue until I was 22.

During those 4 years, I was given a LOT of information regarding what I would do while being a missionary. I don't have any of that information anymore, but it basically boiled down to talking to people, telling them that if they weren't LDS, then they were evil (talk about intolerance) and to introduce them to the word of go...joe smith. I took one look at that information and went "O_o WTF...". It was some hardcore intolerance bullshit going on there and I didn't want ANY part of that.

That's pretty much when I started to ignore all the missionary crap from the bishop and the church...cause it was obviously evil. Honestly, anyone who really looks at it should be able to see how it is evil like that. This is just a way to tell people that they are wrong and you are right and because of that you're going to hell.

Now, with a little backstory out of the way.

*opens curtain*

On to the missionary circus!!! da-da-da-da-daaaa!!!! Come see the monkeys in suits, they'll entertain you, they'll tell you stories, but if you challenge their ideas they'll snarl and bare their teeth and tell you you're wrong and going to hell!!!

But, in all seriousness, missionary work is more a disservice to humanity. They run around the planet, forcing their ideals on other people. I personally think this is a more destructive activity than ALL the carbon emissions China puts out in an entire decade. Besides, is god and jebus so lonely that they have to have someone else go around telling their story and ask people to listen...or are they just that vain. Me thinks it's both.

Now, when I see them on the street and they are whizzing by on their bikes, I totally ignore them. However, if they're walking by as I'm getting out of my car (which has happened 3 times now), I'll wait to see what they have to say and then promptly ask them why they came over to speak with me. The answer they all gave is that they were directed by the spirit. Of course, as soon as they say that I start to outright laugh (and anyone who's heard me laugh IRL knows it sounds evil a maniacal) and then look at them and ask if they plan to convert me to their religion. This usually catches them off guard but then they IMMEDIATELY jump into their rhetoric and start quoting this and that.

Talk about annoying, so, if I get sick of hearing them, I put on the gayest sounding voice I can possibly do (think Big Gay Al from South Park), look at them and say I'm looking for a good port to give my semen leave, wanna talk later tonight? followed by a wink and they are running for the hills.

But, seeing that there are now countries that have listed mormons as a cult (Denmark), it's obvious they aren't doing anything positive, if they were, they wouldn't have been labeled a cult. Of course, having secret meetings, secret signs...hmm...I don't know, but that screams cult to me. At least the masons try to make good things and not try and spread religiously condoned hatred.

I almost feel like I'm rambling at this point so I'm going to call it good at this point. But, any thoughts on missionaries and what they do?